


never the same

by alianovnasx



Category: BLACKPINK
Genre: F/F, Is this thing on?, Post-concert, i don't know why i'm typing here but if you've stumbled upon this fic i am sorry, mic test, my first fic in 5 yrs woo hoo, non-au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 04:16:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29553414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alianovnasx/pseuds/alianovnasx
Summary: Lately, she noticed that the younger girl has been... avoidant of her. Or maybe she's just being dramatic. Yeah, probably. The idea makes Jennie want to sigh, but she doesn't let it out just yet.
Relationships: Jennie Kim/Lalisa Manoban | Lisa
Comments: 10
Kudos: 85





	never the same

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, this is the first time in 5 years that I am writing a one-shot again, first time here on AO3 (because the rest is tucked away in a vault in ffnet haha), and first time for this pairing. I'm not gonna ask you to be kind with comments or to comment anything at all, it's fine. I just had an 'Oh' moment when I woke up this morning so here's this fic!
> 
> (Although I'm sorry if it's too long ahdjshf and the consistency in tenses? OH GOD)

Their first online concert, Jennie likes to assume, is a hit. She would know, because they've prepared for it for months, rehearsed vocals and dance more than they would have if it was a normal concert on a tour; it's a hit because there's one gleeful Park Chaeyoung skipping in front of her, animatedly swinging hands with a tired but satisfied Jisoo on their way to the dressing room to get changed.

She turns her head back to look for the other member, who's trekking behind her with a soft smile on her lips. Well, at least that's what Jennie could make out in the dim hallway they are walking through. And it's not like Lisa is only a step behind her because she's too far away for her to see.

That's the thing.

Lately, she noticed that the younger girl has been... avoidant of her. Or maybe she's just being dramatic. Yeah, probably. The idea makes Jennie want to sigh, but she doesn't let it out just yet.

So she slows down until her pace meets Lisa's, and in return she feels her (confused?) gaze pierce through her skull. She looks up at her only to be met by a pair of doe eyes that she feels like she hasn't seen in ages.

And for the first time on that day, Jennie feels nervous.

Softly, she nudges Lisa's broad shoulders, and begins, "Yah, Lisa. Can I speak to you for a moment?"

"Uhm," Jennie picks up the hesitation in her voice but the younger girl responds anyway. "Sure."

The affirmation sends a slight relief through Jennie's nerves and perhaps she isn't thinking straight at the moment, but she takes Lisa's familiar hand way too quickly and pulls her into one of the rooms down the hallway when her free hand unlocks the first door that clicks open. She palms the wall for the light switch but Lisa beats her to it, their fingers clashing for a brief moment, and the sensation weirdly makes Jennie's breath hitch.

Just how much does she miss this girl? She's been dying to ask, because she barely sees Lisa anymore when they weren't at work. Jennie's not an idiot-- she knows the girl is busy balancing being a dance mentor, a Blackpink member, a dancer herself for her latest _Lilifilm_ project, then there's this concert to add to her plate-- but she can't help but miss Lisa all the same.

The younger one sits calmly on the floor but Jennie slumps on it, and she swears she did not mean to make herself look like a pouting child at that moment. Lisa's not looking at her because her eyes are fixated on the mirrored wall (they're in a dance room, apparently) but steals a glance at Jennie as she stretches her long legs on the floor.

"So," the black-haired girl asks as she finally looks at the older girl. "What did you want to talk to me about, unnie?"

_I pulled her in here to speak, so why is she starting this?_ Jennie groans mentally but turns her head so she could look at Lisa, and replies, "Nothing. Maybe I just wanna see you." _What the hell did I just say?_

Lisa's face is unreadable (as the light they turned on happened to be the one on the far end of where they were sat so it's still dim) and it sends Jennie through a slight panic because she isn't sure if she made the right answer. "Unnie, come on. What is it?"

"Well," Jennie sighs. Finally. "I-- please don't get mad at me for saying this."

Jennie's kind of losing her composure and it makes Lisa chuckle. "I never get mad at you. You know that, right?"

_Here goes nothing._ "It's just that I feel like I haven't seen you since," Jennie shrugs her shoulders to emphasize. "...a year ago? I know it's silly because we see each other at work, but..."

"But what, Jennie?"

_Oh, so now I'm just Jennie._ "It doesn't feel the same."

Lisa's heart sinks a little. _It doesn't feel the same_. She scans her brain for answers and it takes her back to the earlier bits of 2020, when she would always excuse herself to buy coffee milk at the cafeteria whenever she and Jennie were left alone in the recording studio at Black Label... or when the older girl seats herself next to her in interviews and live appearances but she would sneakily switch places with either Chaeyoung or Jisoo to put some distance between them.

Normally, Lisa would be the one to beg their managers to drive her to Jennie's set for their music video shoots until she actually kneels in front of them, but on that week, she found herself visiting only Chaeng's and Jisoo's despite their conflicting schedules. Their _24/365_ reality show wasn't spared as she purposely avoided Jennie there as well, although she tried not to do so much. She cringes at the word _avoid_ but that's what she's been doing, right?

Apparently, it was noticeable. The rare times she's on the internet, she would catch a glimpse of their fans crying over the "drought", with all those hilarious emojis and pictures of Kermit the Frog crying. And then one time they were waiting for the cars to pick them up for an _Inkigayo_ performance of _Lovesick Girls_ , Chaeyoung casually brings it up.

_"Hey Lisa, is something wrong with you and Jennie-unnie?"_

_She playfully raises an eyebrow in response. "What?"_

_"It's nothing, really. I just thought you guys fought or something. You barely interact or look at her anymore when we're on interviews so that kinda bugged me a bit," the blonde answers coolly and continues. "Even when we're at the dorm, you're no longer squeezed next to unnie on the couch."_

_"We're cool, no fights, nothing," Lisa nods like she's convincing herself, too. She jokingly swats Rosie's arm with a goofy grin. "Why, do you miss my clingy and loud self?"_

_In return, the other girl stares her down. "Not exactly, but I miss you being clingy and loud and cheesy when unnie is around. You're like a cute puppy with a happy tail."_

_"I can feel a_ but _coming, Chaeyoung-ah!"_

_"But now, you_ ‘were’ _. As in, past tense. Because nowadays you remind me of a cat."_

_"What's that supposed to mean?" Lisa's face lights up at the mention of a cat. Of course._

_"Maybe not all cats do, but there are some that just want to get away from humans even though they don't really want to. Or sometimes they want to. I don't know which cat you are."_

"Lisa?"

Jennie's voice is sweet and takes her back from her spontaneous trip to memory lane. She's sort of worried that her evasion worries the shorter girl next to her, so she sucks it up and opens her mouth to speak.

"Jen, I'm sorry if I made you feel terrible."

_Jen. It's that damn nickname again,_ Jennie thinks to herself. She has to admit, it caught her off guard when she called her that during their soundcheck yesterday, but she just played along and shook her hand. The brunette runs a hand through her scalp to save what little composure is left of her. "It's okay. I'm just missing you, is all. 

"When we were shooting Season's Greetings, you couldn't even look me in the eye unless I reached out to you. Unnie noticed and asked if we're okay, I didn't even know what to tell her. Then today, you played around her and Chaeng, hugged them, teased them for as long as this show has been running but me-- I had to pull you twice just to be next to you," Jennie chuckles to herself at how _ridiculous_ she's sounding. "I'm sorry if I'm ranting now, but I also need to know if I did something wrong because you seem to elude me like I have the virus-- which I don't, by the way."

She looks down to the polished wooden floor of the dance room just to not see Lisa's eyes on her, and maybe to hide her face threatening to break at any moment. "Please tell me now so I can apologize and fix whatever I ruined because _I miss you_ , Lisa."

_Here goes nothing,_ Lisa sighs. "There's nothing for you to apologize for. In fact, I should be the one doing that."

Jennie lifts her eyes up to stare at the younger girl in disbelief. "Wha-- Why?"

"Because I--" Lisa turns her body to face her. "I realized how... _clingy_ I have been over the years behind us, and how uncomfortable you must have felt to be the receiving end of my excessive need for affection.

"It dawned on me when I saw some clips on SNS, you know. Quarantine got me scrolling through my Insta. I know we were doing things for the crowd, but I realized lately that I shouldn't have done and... said some of those things. And when I saw your reaction in some of those clips, I just wanted to slap myself. We're bandmates, should be professional and all."

"Aren't we friends?" Jennie asks almost immediately.

"We are, but a friend won't necessarily do that, right?"

"Do what, Lisa?"

The girl sighs. "Don't make me spell it out, please." _Who would you date if you were a guy? Every time I see her, my heart beats madly. God, why did I have to put my heart on my sleeve? Who dares to like a bandmate, anyway? Oh, that's right, it's me._

_Jennie, wink if Jenlisa is real._

"But my point is, I'm sorry that you had to endure all of what I had brought upon you. I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable. You didn't deserve _any_ of those," This time, Lisa curtly bows her head.

"Lisa, look at me."

She blinks once, twice, and does as she's told. Jennie stares at her with eyes shining with a few tears and maybe a hint of sadness somewhere. "You're such a fool for thinking of it that way."

Lisa could only match her gaze with her own. Before she could respond, Jennie goes on. "Did you really think I would shoo you away just because you were being yourself? Not once in our shared life I tried to stop you from doing that because it's the real you, unabashedly.

"If anything, your affection makes me feel lighter after a bad day," Jennie puts her hand on top of Lisa's without tearing her eyes away from her. "I think you've known me long enough to know that my happy face isn't exactly all smiles at all times, so forget whatever you saw in those, but I do smile and you know that, too. If you ask me now if I'm happy to be with--"

"Are you happy to be with me right now?"

Jennie then clasps both of Lisa's hands on her own as she quietly answers, "I am." She scoots closer to the younger girl and rests her head on the space between her shoulder and neck. "Are you?"

Lisa swears her heart skipped a beat and hopes Jennie didn't catch that because she's in the position to hear exactly that. In response, she urges the shorter girl to sit in between her legs so she could comfortably lean sideways on her body. Her arms find their way around Jennie's head and back as if she's cradling her. _Not like she minds..._

So they stay like that for a while, each left with thoughts to themselves until Jennie breaks the silence. "You didn't answer my question, Lisa."

The girl could only chuckle. "I thought my affection did the trick?"

"Yes, but I need you to say it."

Lisa gets brave, lets her slender fingers tilt Jennie's chin up so she faces her, and tries her damndest to remember the last time she was this close to the woman before her. _Our Vlive in 2019? Comment-reading during the HYLT countdown?_ She doesn't realize the breath she was holding until she's staring at Jennie's soft brown eyes. "I am happy with you now. Always, actually."

Jennie hums as if agreeing. "What do you mean 'always'?"

_Ah, shit, why did I say that?_ "I mean, all the time. Sometimes though, I get scared of how much I rely on your presence for my happiness, but I'm doing my best to live in small moments."

Suddenly, the older girl feels her face heating up over Lisa's bluntness. She scans her face and notices that she's also turning pink from the neck up. They are _friends_ , but friends don't fluster each other like this, she supposes.

And so Jennie asks, "What do you think of me, really?"

"I don't know, maybe I'll just let my affection do the trick," Lisa answers. First she drinks in the sight of Jennie, whose lashes are long and soft when she blinks; with a perfect nose that reminds her of Lily (since she also likes the cat princess); the cheeks she missed poking a lot, because _duh_ , she had to restrain herself; Jennie, whose eyes are mirroring her own but now absent of the sadness she saw earlier, only left with something that seems like longing. Finally Lisa's eyes travel down to Jennie's lips, pink and inviting.

She almost crosses the line she's been taking care of since last year, but now, Lisa thinks a little push wouldn't hurt.

So she leans in and aims for the corner of Jennie's mouth, presses her plump lips where it's also close to her cheek, then moves over to warmly kiss the space between her cheekbone and ears, and pulls away before she could blur any more lines.

What Jennie doesn't notice is how she had closed her eyes the moment Lisa's lips grazed her skin. And that her right hand is gripping on to the younger girl's shirt for her dear life, she doesn't know anymore.

_Bandmates don't do this. Friends don't do this either._ Jennie could feel heart beating madly against her ribcage, but then so is Lisa's. Before she even knew it, the other girl detaches her figure from herself so they can look at each other on face level. Jennie suddenly wants to complain at the loss of contact.

"Jennie," Lisa starts, her breath a little labored. "I'd understand if you'd want that distance now that I've been putting up. It's okay. Although I'm... _relieved_ to get that off my chest. But I'm sorry I--"

The woman halts her talking as she feels Jennie's index finger shushing her lips that it almost makes her jump, and the older one speaks with a grin morphing into a smile, into a smile that turns all gummy and makes Lisa's heart sing. Jennie takes both of her hands into her own, the gummy smile now fading into something Lisa feels is a very, _very_ hot smirk.

"After we leave this building, we will never be the same, Lisa."

**Author's Note:**

> In no way this happened in real life, okay? This is a work of fiction and nothing else. Let's ship responsibly. ;)


End file.
